As Mr. Bean said “I love LA!”

I can’t get over it. I had no intention of going to the USA, let alone Los Angeles. No desire and no interest. Then an interesting offer came up that meant we could be in LA for almost two weeks at a reduced price so we took it. Wow. Every day was mind blowing! If you are interested in going forget Florida, go to the far more interesting California. The essential things to do are:
Santa Monica – the liberal capital of CA, you must try Mr Cecil’s huge beef ribs!
Universal Studios – Jurassic Park, Terminator 2: 3D and Waterworld Stage Show are worth the trip to LA alone!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno – We were in the audience during filming and on the title credits!
Disneyland & California Adventure Land – Soarin’ Over CA via IMAX is astonishing and Muppets 3D is always cool!
Downtown LA – the architecture, Little Tokyo, the Mexican district and of course the Walt Disney Theatre!
Shopping – From Bevery Hills and Rodeo Drive to Hollywood & Boulevard and of course Wal Mart (walked in the front door and all I see are George clothes and the smiley Always Low(ering) Prices tag line)!
And the single biggest reason to visit LA? Not spotting celebrities, not viewing past their homes, not even the LAPD getting carried away or even the Krispy Kreme Kafe donut making factory … it was spending two hours whizzing around on a Seagway!!!! It’s possibly the single most enjoyable thing I’ve every done and everyone should try it!
Anyway, a picture says a million words so here are a million pictures.

It’s Too Cold For Any To Be There In Canada

Brrr, it’s shiver my monkeys time!

Where Did You Go on Holiday? Kos. I Said Where Not Why…

Very sparse posting over the past two weeks as I was sunning it up in Kos. First of from my gallery you’ll notice that while I was happy to take pictures of the military airport in Taba, Egypt, I wasn’t stupid enough to do that in Kos! The hotel was fantastic, everything a 5* should be. They have a dress code for dinner and it’s so well enforce that the mosquitoes can’t get in. The local draught soft drinks tasted watered down it was akin to going from decaf to espresso on my return! The whole island is very peaceful and pretty, although for such a sunny island I can’t understand why they have three shops that just sell umbrellas! Maybe it’s a front for something… The food was fantastic, eating out we had some of the best kebabs we’ve every had. The weirdest two things were 1. You couldn’t flush the toilet paper (is this because it was the Romans who invented toilets?) and 2. The languages actually sounds incredibly like Spanish at times. A great holiday with a wonderful island that I would recommend to anyone.

Egypt Day 7: Is This The End of Phill G?

We are booked on a boat trip to Farun’s Island to snorkel around a good coral reef. We both wussed out and hired wet suits as the water probably wouldn’t be as warm as the hotel pool. In case you don’t know how wet suits work, they allow a little water in which your body heats up and the water cannot escape so it keeps you warm. Once you fully grasp that you never try to take a slash in the water with a wet suit on (unless it’s out of fear)… The coral and wildlife was very impressive, everything from swordfish and the very poisonous stone fish as well as all forms of angel fish including an emperor angel fish I got quite close to (but never touched, it’s like a strip bar – no touching). It was a lot more varied than in Eilat but that’s not a surprise as we were told the other day in Israel “when we gave the Sinai peninsula back to the Egyptians we lost all of our good coral”.

After half an hour of fun, a bit of salt water in the mouth (twice the strength of the Med) and a grazed knee from getting too close to the shore I started getting concerned. All of a sudden the waves lapping over the back of my head felt quite fierce. I popped my head up and noticed several people heading back to the boat. I swam back with my head under the water, breathing though the snorkel as the waves had become so choppy to swim normally (and the sea water is so salty, much more than in the Med). After climbing back on board i found i was one of the last to return, most people were huddling from the strong wind at the back of the boat (in the dry area). As lunch was being prepared we sat there. mesmerised by the bouncy waves that would be “red flag’ conditions on any coast. After lunch everyone said they would be quite happy to Cut short our trip in order to return quickly to dry (and warm) land. 26 people and not one was interested in staying, even though we’d paid £40 each.

As we set ”sail” it became clear that someone had pissed off the Egyptian god of wind (okay I know they don’t have one, but maybe Neptune/Poseidon was holiday here). These pictures do nor do the conditions justice. Even from our hotel you can see the white foam as waves break forcefully well away from the coast. Out there in the middle of no-where (with no other boat in sight) it was horrendous. I was too concerned to get my phone back out to take any pictures! There were waves well over 12′ and we not only had to travel over these peaks and troughs, but also go across them and so be knocked badly for side to side.

About I hour into our return voyage and three people were throwing up. These wee nor people a ho usually feel sea- sick as four others had already taken the free sea sickness medicine. In fact Xe first person to go off, all over her own coat that she was using to Keep warm, was a lovely old lady that has been on dozens of cruises. The middle aged man didn’t seen the queasy type either and he soon went off over the side of the boat, right in front of me. By this time we had been going as long as it took to get there and there was no end in sight. I was feeling very queasy myself, a horrible combination of the excessive motions and hunger. I tried to distract my brain by singing nursery rhymes and making up nonsense songs to try to achieve some mind over matter (although l wasn’t hopeful after the disastrous failure of my six minute walk to the the Dead sea). There were three really bad times when I genuinely felt I was going to regurgitate lunch – first time I moved quickly to the side so I didn’t accidentally erupt over my fellow distraught passengers. By this time we felt we had seen the worst of it and we could battle it out for a little longer. With rad we came over a really big wave that Knocked us sideways and scared the hell out of just about everyone. A poor lady walking a long the wet deck when this happened and she was hurled face first into the side of the boat, a distance of over 1.5 metres. To say this freaked me and everybody oat is a gross understatement. A box of our shoes flipped over and they went cascading down the deck but nobody cared – we were too busy clinging on to any thing we could grab.
Many more big waves and stupid distractions later and we were close to the marina. This return trip had taken over two hours, one of the longest in recent memory (not mine obviously). As we *slowly*entered the bay we noticed a large group of people on the rocks, just behind the security fence. I noticed a few flashes and as we reached audible distance the started clapping our safe return! It turns out it was the staff from the water world centre who clearly realised just how bad it was out there. We clapped out of relief for the captain as we hurried to jump back on to Terra firma. As we walked away we vowed never to speak of it again.

It’s dinner time now and I’m struggling to eat. It may be due to the rocking motions I’m still feeling from the sea, it may be due to the half tube of Pringles I scoffed as I lay safely back on my hotel bed earlier, who can say?

Six hours one from our return and it’s nearly bed time. When I close my eyes and I still think I’m swaying but there is something for worse than that. We are supposed to fly back tomorrow but I’ve Just flicked on CNN and scared myself senseless. I can’t face another trip like that return boat ride ever again and now I’m dreading waking up in the morning. KT tried to guess what had disturbed me – a hurricane perhaps? I’m afraid it is something far worse. I’ve just found out today is Groundhog Day.

Egypt Day 6: I Sank Even Further Than Yesterday

Israel again, this time Eilat and coastal town very close to the Egyptian border. First we went to a Coral Reef centre and the pictures have to been seen to be believed. the first animal we came across was the Sea Turtle – the very same one I was swimming with 3 years ago Barbados. I’m not going to say much more about the fish here as I think my pictures go someway to doing their beauty justice.

Two of my dreams (and surely everyone’s) is to go diving at a coral reef and go swimming with wild dolphins. Now imagine you could not only do them both on the same day, but in the same place! the Dolphin Centre is a very special place that is home to 9 bottle nose dolphins originally from the Black Sea (literally all life in the Red Sea is protected, including shells). The live in a large marina and are not fed or forced to do tricks. If they want to come up to the trainer and play games with him for fun then that’s great, if not they can do what ever they want. There is no Pavlovian reinforcement going on with performing for visitors. Furthermore they only get 20% of their daily food which means they remain active hunters and not enslaved in captivity. The dolphins even treat sick children with their sonar, something two doctors are studying all year round in the labs at the centre. There are several other animals here too, including a stray dog that thinks it’s a dolphin, a few ducks, a few cockerels and so on. All of them are strays that just turned up one day and have decided to stay. They are free to leave it they want to.

After a little watching the girls play around my feet (there are seven females, one male baby and of course one alpha male) it’s time for induction to the world of SCUBA (yes it’s an acronym like LASER and GIMP). This stuff ways a ton by the way. The only problem I had was walking into the water on the pebbles as my feet are still very sore from yesterday. I can’t begin to tell you how fulfilling it was to be six metres underwater with all colours of tropical fish dancing around living coral and investigative dolphins playing around you. Better than Caribbean waters and swimming with 300 year old sea turtles. The coral and other sea life was almost as good at the Coral Reef centre we were at earlier. Our tour guide told us a story afterwards that she doesn’t go in the water anymore after an incident that happened to her two years earlier when she was 42. She was swimming in the human area and as she approached the edge of the dolphins home several dolphins rushed over to her. The trainer call out in Hebrew “I’m bet you are pregnant”. Needless to say she was and now has a one year old daughter!

Egypt Day 5: In Israel and I Hit My Lowest Ever Point

Who goes on holiday to get an alarm call from reception at 4:30 am? We’re off to Israel on an full day trip to Masada (no real interest) and the Dead Sea (yes, oh yes). Two and a half hours after setting off, less a brief stop in a very good Israeli coffee shop (despite all their brochures being stapled the wrong way and we are entering a 2,000 year old fortress that is truly amazing. We go up to the level of the Mediterranean Sea via a cable car rather than the long snake route the Romans took. The Romans had it from 30BC to 66AD when King Herod used it as his winter palace, you can see Herod’s private bath in some of the later shots. They reclaimed it in 72AD and kept it until 106AD when they abandoned it as it was no longer on the edge of their territory. The beauty of this site and the valleys and the awe of its ancient history was slightly ruined as US military jets flew over head on two occasions.

In the six year they didn’t possess it, it was occupied by the Sicarii (a radical group of Zealots) which was around the beginning of the first Jewish Roman War (or Great Jewish Revolt). Masada is very important in Jewish history for what happened at the end of 72AD. Jerusalem had fallen two years earlier and the Romans were advancing on Masada. There were 960 Jewish people there but only around 180 men of fighting age. Compare this to the thousands of Roman Centurions marching their way through the desert and the outcome seems quite obvious. Think again. Faced with certain death and slavery for their families the men decided it was better to die with their freedom which itself it quite a controversial decision. I’m no expert on Jewish law but our excellent tour guide, Udi, informed us that it is okay for a Jewish person to eat pork. This was quite a shocking statement but here’s the rationale. Under Jewish law nothing is more important than life itself. You can break nearly all Jewish laws if your life is a risk. So if somebody held a gun up to your head and said “Eat that pork now” you could without breaking the law. If however someone said “I have a tank behind that corner, eat that pork or I’ll kill you” you couldn’t as you don’t know for certain that your life is at risk (you can’t see the tank to start with). It makes sense that suicide is one of the gravest sins under Jewish law. To circumvent this the men all slaughtered their own wives and children and then each other until there were only 10 left. The drew lots and killed each other until only one remained who then had to commit suicide. When the Romans arrived the next day they found nearly 1,000 bodies (well, two women and five children hide and survived which are the sources for the information above) and the storerooms full to prove they chose to die.

Udi shared with us some fascinating stories, the best ones I want to share with you are relating to English sayings and traditions routed in Roman history. Romans introduced most of the world to toilets and the first surprise is that they were communal (the food goes in together so why not out together). Toilet paper had clearly not been invented yet so they use a communal sponge on a stick to scrub their arse clean. Can you just for a minute imagine how revolting that must have been. Now imagine your not paying attention and you get (here’s the phrase) “the wrong end of the stick”. You will look ready to be sick the next time you hear someone say that I bet. The other great story is related to bathing, something the Romans used to love to do (it was high society socialising at its best). In the 19th century the average British person had a bath on average once a year. Queen Victoria was told she would live longer if she didn’t insist on having a bath every three months. Usually the bath would take place at the end of May and so we have the tradition of the June wedding. The bride would be as clean as she could be (only a few weeks worth of stink on her) and the flowers she held should mask that.

After a quick pint of freshly squeezed orange juice we are finally off to the Dead Sea, the lowest point on earth (1,300 feet below the sea level of the Med)! Okay we have two hours to transform ourselves back to age 18 (ten year off). First off you have 15 minutes in the sulphur polls (loads of other minerals including salt so you do float). You have no idea how badly they smelled. What’s worse is if a tiny bit got in your eyes or your mouth you needed to rinse it rapidly or you’d need first aid. We now wander outside to a great big yellow vat containing … about half a million pounds worth of fresh Dead Sea mud (£200 per treatment it is in the UK I believe). Instructions for use: slap it on everywhere! Under your arms, right up to your eyes, as much of your thighs and bottoms as you can pleasurably take. When completely covered it is first you job to impersonate King Kong and then to run around threatening other people with a hug. Now for the painful part (there had to be one) – walk for six minutes down to the sea where you can wash it off. The sun will dry you as you walk and it’s make your skin softer than any baby. You were told to bring flip flops to walk to the beach with? No? Oh, I hope you are able to walk on stone covered tarmac… I unfortunately was not. I cannot begin to describe just how sore it was – why do most women not have a problem with this? After such pain we reached the bottom only to find the beach was pure sharp pebbles, even KT couldn’t take this. Almost to the water, just think about the 40% salt content making you float and remember not to get any in your mouth or you’re in serious trouble. Have you ever wondered what the bed of the Dead Sea is like? Don’t bother, I’ll tell you – hug big crystal salt formations and structures far worse than any pebble! I cut my hand twice just resting on them and then got salt in the wound! Finally we get this mud off us so was it worth all the pain? Ooooh. I cannot describe how incredibly soft my skin is. It’s claimed that with regular use it will make you look ten years younger and I don’t doubt that for a second. I can confidentiality say we’ll be back to the Dead Sea again!

Looking at my feet after dinner they are genuinely cut to pieces. I can’t believe the rep never told us to bring sandal, just comfortable walking shoes for Masada. After all of today’s pain I just tried to turn the lamp off and got a massive electric shock. At least now I know what 220v feels like instead of 240v!

Egypt Days 1-4: First Impressions and Sunshine in January!

Day 1: Minutes before we get through our departure gate I decide to call Andy Regent, the guy who’s looking after all my computers while I’m away. I just wanted to tell him our internet router died last night, probably due to overheating. He tells me all the systems are knacked and he can’t make head nor tail of it – There’s the boarding call I’ve got 2 minutes max to fix it! Lucking the words of advice I gave to Andy meant he was able to fix it, although I only found this out after calling him 5.5 hours later as we landed in Taba. I was a bit concerned during the flight as my lovely new phone, Sony Ericsson W800i (Walkman branded) has a option to turn the 2gb mp3 player on without the phone so I can use it on the plane. Of course to the unenlightened it will look like I’m playing with a mobile phone Fortunately nobody noticed it as I kept it stuffed in my trouser pocket.

The first thing you may notice from my gallery of the holiday is that there is only one shaky photo outside Taba airport which is quite unusual for snapaholic me. The reason for that is, possibly to it’s location on the top of a 1,000 foot high cliff, Taba is a military airport. Very unusual experience to say the least. Next up we find out we have a security guard on the coach and all 11 coaches travel in a convoy down the mountain. Are we really at risk? From later experiences it all seems to be a custom set up after the political bombings in the early ’90s in Cairo and the convoy thing seems to be due to the shocking state of the roads as we descend 1,000 feet at night. As we arrived at Taba Heights (the large complex that has five major hotels) we come to a security check point who actually uses a mirror to check underneath the vehicle. Our Egyptian rep explains that this check point and then another one at the entrance to each hotel is in response to the attacks last year in Sharm el Sheik *and* London – cleverly phrased.

Okay we now have our first disaster. Somebody, possibly me, forgot to pick up the red bag from above our heads on the transfer coach and it has now sped off into the night. It had a couple of hundred pounds worth of electronics in it but no essential data (as it was my razor and our toothbrushes we lost). We tried to explain it to the guy at reception but he just did not seem to care – he even ignored us for five minutes by asking us to wait away from the desk as he answered phone calls. Deep breath. It seems my understanding of Egyptian customs are lacking to say the least. While looking like he was deliberately ignoring us Walid had actually contacted to next hotel who had contacted the driver and when he’s finished his run he’ll bring it back to the Sofitel (our 5* hotel). Walid even phoned later and offered to deliver it in person to the room – excellent service.

Dinner time and the restaurant is amazing, the whole hotel oozes class and grandiose designs. I think this week we’ll be drinking Sakara Gold, the best Egyptian beer apparently. Strange though as the country is over 70% Muslim…

Day 2: The view from the balcony is amazing. Standing on Egyptian soil (well sand) I can see both Jordan (left) and Saudi Arabia (right) directly in front of me across the Red Sea. It gets better, the sky is completely blue, the sunshine is radiant and the temperature is over 20°ree;C. We are both putting all are trust in P20, it claims to only block UVA and allow the UVB through to give you a safe tan … let’s see if it’s worth £20.

Day 3: Very lovely sunny day. Probably spent too long in the Sun as my back was a rather fruity shade of red. Fowler has rejoined Liverpool Maybe Rafa was impressed by his five fingered salute or maybe Rafa reads my site and thought I was right… This is the second Liverpool related story I’ve posted and both have come true. Okay here goes, Liverpool will finish the season above Man Utd in second place. Now we have three more months of waiting…

Day 4: Cloudy all day. We ”sun bathed” with T-shirts on and towels over our legs. In light of yesterday’s overdose it probably not such a bad thing.